My Inner Dance Journey

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This is my living faith, an active faith, a faith of verbs: to question, explore, experiment, experience, walk, run, dance, play, eat, love, learn, dare, taste, touch, smell, listen, speak, write, read, draw, provoke, emote, scream, sin, repent, cry, kneel, pray, bow, rise, stand, look, laugh, cajole, create, confront, confound, walk back, walk forward, circle, hide, and seek. – Terry Tempest William

I have received various responses since the day I started to share this story. I often scare the hell out of the people with a conservative mind. The liberal mind will always be amazed. Christians say it’s evil. I follow the teachings of Jesus Christ, but I find this story worth telling.

This is a so called testimony since I started my Inner Dance journey. I don’t know exactly what Inner Dance means in a deeper context, but I have experienced it. It’s not that complicated to experience but it’s a difficult thing to express.

It started one night when Pi Villaraza stayed in our house. He’s not the typical couchsurfer who will stay in our house and sleep, talk all night, tour the city and take pictures. He did all the talking this time; he is full of wisdom that even my parents sat with me while listening to his stories.

Prior to my hosting day, I have searched his name via Google. We all Google our names right? I was amazed that I’m actually going to host a highly respected man. He is one of those people who left their extravagant life over a simple hermit life. He’s probably the person I’ve been waiting for to answer my mind and heart’s deepest questions.

Going back, he started sharing to us his raw food diet. He gathered members of our family and started doing a workshop about green smoothie. I hosted him last April 7 and today is May 15. It’s been almost a month since green smoothie became part of the family’s diet. The magic behind the green smoothie is also brilliant. My cravings for junk food, sodas and other acidic drinks were lessened if not completely eradicated.  If you want to learn more about the smoothie, check out Daniw’s video on youtube. Daniw is Pi’s wife.

After dinner, Pi and I went upstairs in my room to rest. He’s been tired from God knows how many miles of biking (from Sagada to Pampanga). But my soul wants to experience the Inner Dance that the internet is talking about. I should experience it before he leaves next day. But Pi probably sensed that. He already sensed that I want to experience it so badly.

He then took his iPhone out of his pocket.

“Do you have speakers?”, he asked.

“Yes, I do.” I answered.

Pi played a very relaxing song.

“Now lie on your bed and be comfortable as much as possible”, he instructed. I followed. During that time, I’m a bit afraid. I am afraid that he will not succeed. I am afraid that I won’t be able to experience what I am dying to experience. The usual “What ifs” dominated my mind.

“Now close your eyes.”

Pi started talking. Old wisdom which I have ignored for years. Ancient wisdom which I found relevant. Science. Spirituality. Universe. Multiverse. Energy. Force. God.

I listened. But as much as I want to listen, I also want to ask. But this time I can’t. I just need to listen. My mind is now thinking a lot of things all at the same time.

“Wow, I never thought of that”

“I am bored”

“The wisdom is ok. But why am I not dancing?”

“Oh man. I have to go to work tomorrow”

“This is the coolest couchsurfer ever”

“I’m cold. I need to turn the AC off”

“I need to pee. Like right now”

Wisdom. Stuffs. Fears. Worries. Physical stuffs. But this time, I need to focus on the wisdom part. Or probably not think at all. I don’t know.

Pi then touched my head using his finger. Then he touched my rib cage. Then he touched the joint of my right hand.

Then next thing I heard is the word: SURRENDER.

Surrender is a common term to be associated with faith and spirituality. I have heard it a lot because I have been attending various Christian churches since God knows when. I have heard it with a friend who believes in mysticism. I have heard it with a friend who practices interfaith belief. In short, surrender is not Christian. Surrender is universal.

Amidst the noise my mind is making, be it good noise (wisdom) or bad noise (worries), I have made a decision to surrender that night.

Out of the blue, I started to raise my hands. My fingers also moved in a very weird way. Then the next thing I know is that they are making circular flows and movement.

“Oh gosh. This is freaky.”

Yes, I am awake. I can think clearly. But my body is moving. It’s not an ordinary movement. Then I suddenly laughed because  I am shaking my hips while kicking using my feet.

“This is embarassing.  Pi, don’t you dare take a video of me”, I said to myself.

I am not possessed. Because if I am, I cannot think clearly. That became a relief. From fear, I started to embrace the fact that I am actually doing a beautiful thing and not to mention, spiritual. I felt its a merge between science and spirituality. My mind became clearer. The dance became complicated, until the music started to fade. As the music stopped, the dance also stopped.

“Slowly open your eyes”, Pi instructed.

“………………………………..”, I answered. I was speechless. I have nothing to say but to have the best sighs of my life.

He smiled at me.

“Pi, I really need to pee.”

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God has not been trying an experiment on my faith or love in order to find out their quality. He knew it already. It was I who didn’t. In this trial He makes us occupy the dock, the witness box, and the bench all at once. He always knew that my temple was a house of cards. His only way of making me realize the fact was to knock it down. – CS LEWIS

The inner dance is probably one of the many meditation modes in our world today alongside with tai-chi and yoga. But for me, it’s one of the best and sustainable. Right after the session we had, I felt peace. I am smiling for no reason at all. I felt that my heart became empty except for God who is residing inside me. My mind was also emptied but ready to learn more.My heart is ready for forgiveness. My heart desired for change, for a clean slate. Tabula rasa.

On the other hand, probably it’s just science. It’s just energy. It’s just magnetism. It’s just force. But whatever it is, I still find it awesome that this experience is already here with me all this time. For 23 years, I am this guy who is full of energy, full of force, but never realized it. If this experience boggled me, probably I still have something GREAT and AWESOME inside me that wasn’t discovered yet. At the end of the day, Science is just a proof of our faith. If I was able to do this, then I am, without a shadow of a doubt, fearfully and wonderfully made.

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Thanks to Pujia, my Indonesian friend for allowing me to post this very inspiring photo.

 

Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires. – 2 Peter 1:4

I am doing the inner dance almost everyday. It became part of a routine. It just surprises me that every day, it’s a different movement. The complex dance moves are outstanding, coming from a frustrated dancer like myself. I have seen surreal colors while my eyes are closed. I have been having vivid dreams. I have been conscious about almost everything. I see people as divine beings capable of great things. I see that the material world is becoming irrelevant everyday. Ordinary things suddenly amazed me. No prejudices. Everything became clearer.

But for me, it’s not about the dance and the surreal experience at all. But it’s about my union with God through this dance. This is my form of worship. This is how I adore my God.

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